NBA Life at Sloat Blvd. & 19th Avenue: Fifth Grade

Elaine Mills as Scott Skiles
By Justin Cheng

If you have paid attention to any of my Facebook statuses in the past two years, you would know exactly what I think of Elaine Mills. To prove how worthy of a friend you are, I have made a popquiz to assess your Facebook attentiveness.

How would I characterize Elaine Mills?
	Favorite Teacher
	Dictator
	TILF
	Discourager
	All of the Above
pollcode.com free polls

If you guessed TILF, you have my permission to stop reading this blog forever and my blessing to do something more productive with your life.

As for Ms. Mills, I felt as if I was pigeonholed to serve as the perfect student much like how Scott Skiles, the grumpy perfectionist, formerly of the Chicago Bulls and Milwaukee Bucks, expected mistake-free basketball from his players. Skiles' demise with his players seemed to come with his mismanagement of his lineups; Samuel Dalembert, John Henson, and Brandon Jennings all saw inconsistent minutes throughout the year and during crunch time-- a recipe for disaster throughout the season and upcoming free agency. For Ms. Mills, her mismanagement of me led me to become a grudge-holding 24-year old, venting about a single disciplinary action 14 years later.

What was this 'disciplinary action' that has kept me burning for so long? Well, the anticipation and wonder are over. As punishment for making a 'bathroom joke' involving taking a big poop, I was not allowed to go on our kite-flying field trip. I had already bought my Leonardo kite, and I no longer had use for it. I was heartbroken.

To make matters worse, I was told I wouldn't amount to anything if I continued to make bathroom jokes. In my defense, I was still traumatized from my obsession of dying from dysentary. I was merely trying to make light of a situation in which I lived in constant fear, instead I was berated for it.

With Brandon Jennings' looming free agency and myself having 14 years of not stepping foot in Ms. Mills' classroom, I believe that we both have something to look forward to. Jennings no longer has to deal with fourth quarter benchings, and I can still freely fly Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle kites while talking about my poops. (Really though, Google 'fourth quarter benching' and you'll see Brandon Jennings' name all over the search. LOL.)



Check out the rest of the NBA Life & Sloat Blvd. & 19th Avenue
Myself: Justin Cheng as The Birdman
Kindergarten: Melissa Faust as Kwame Brown
First Grade: Ruth Stressow as Jerry Sloan
Second Grade: Irene Jew as Cliff Paul
Third Grade: Edith Kvale as Gregg Popovich
Fourth Grade: Pamela Keiser as Don Nelson
Coming soon: Kari O'Connor as Mike D'Antoni



The Bayless Babbles, along with being a sports blog is a proclamation that kites and bathroom jokes are awesome and is authored by UC Merced and USC alumni Justin Cheng.

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