By this point in my life, my life goals were shattered (See Second Grade), and I was confronted with the idea of having to learn something in school rather than fantasizing about a blonde-haired Kwame Brown (See Kindergarten).Edith Kvale had the unfortunate responsibility of bringing me back down to earth, a task which she tried to fill as the Norwegian Gregg Popvich. Our third-grade United States project provided as much excitement as the prospect of watching the San Antonio Spurs for the fourth time in 10 years. Let's face it, you can't screw up this assignment, the United States is the best country in the world (See Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest). But yes, Ms. Kvale, yes you did. While Gregg uses yawn-worthy half-court offense, Ms. Kvale assigned a yawn-worthy state, Colorado, USA. To eight year-old Justin Cheng, Colorado was nothing but Antonio McDyess and JonBenét Ramsey. I guess you can't say that Popovich has incorporated the most exciting brand of basketball, but you can't deny its effectiveness as the Spurs have won 11 division titles, four conference titles and are on the brink of a fifth championship. Similarly, Ms. Kvale's assignment branded two pieces of information that I will never forget: 1) Lark Bunting is the state bird 2) the state flag has a C. I have yet to find myself having to ever use such pertinent information, just as I will never consciously tune my television to watch a Spurs game. Popovich and Ms. Kvale sure have a knack for ruining basketball and academics.
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Learning the dying art of cursive was the main theme of the second grade and can describe my winding journey to find what field of work I should pursue. My eight year-old, lifelong goals up to that point were to become an outfielder for the San Francisco Giants or a wide receiver for the 49ers. Give me a break, I was colorblind at eight years-old. I didn't know I would turn out to be Chinese, 24 and the size of Shaq's sneaker telephone.Lucky for me, Irene Jew and Cliff Paul were born to assist. While Cliff Paul helped little asian girls find goldfish in basements, Ms. Jew aided us in our search for our potential craft by holding the most horrific event an eight year-old could take part of, CAREER DAY. To this day, the slew of doctors, engineers, and accountants that filled our classroom was the #2 most sobering experience I've had. No longer could we be the red Power Ranger, President of the United States, an astronaut, or an outfielder/wide receiver for the Bay Area beloved. I cannot say that I have fully recovered from that somber experience, which may explain why I am unemployed and writing a blog that receives less likes than my Instagrams of my foot blisters. This post is for you, Cliff and Irene.
Check out the rest of the NBA Life at Sloat Blvd. & 19th Avenue
The Bayless Babbles, along with being a sports blog, is a misguided projection of blame for not fulfilling athletic potential and is authored by UC Merced and USC alumni Justin Cheng.
Ruth Stressow, the model of consistency, was the bastion of WPL's first grade youth for what seemed like ages, as was Jerry Sloan's tenure as the Utah Jazz head man. You don't win 50+ games for ten seasons or teach a classroom full of kids who learned how to read from Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge, the blind engineer, without a solidified plan. Sloan and Stressow's Hall of Fame reigns took a simple approach and brought the Jazz to two NBA Finals and created one author of a blog who lacks credentials and breathes on ill-fated satire. Sloan's use of the pick & roll offense was championed by Stockton & Malone but was later adapted to Deron Williams & Carlos Boozer. The most impressive thing about Ms. Stressow is her use of one player in her classroom, Angela Huang. Boasting the most expressive reading styles our six year-old ears have heard, Angela's oration was seamless and wasn't filled with um's or uh's. We tried sound, speak, even look like Angela, which if anything, was to please Ms. Stressow. Two NBA Finals losses and 17 years later, my narrative skills are still not on par with Angela's first grade level. Such a disappointment for two Hall of Fame careers. Sorry, don't put me in coach.
Check out the rest of the NBA Life at Sloat Blvd. & 19th Avenue series.
The Bayless Babbles, along with being a sports blog, is an honest admission of jealousy for good public speaking skills and is authored by UC Merced and USC alumni Justin Cheng.
For more about the author and the blog (Click Here) Email: baylessbabbles@gmail.com
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Before Taylor Swift and Kate Upton, there was only one blonde-haired goddess that had my heart. Melissa Faust was my dream, my fantasy, my number one overall pick. I had great expectations for her, for us. This flawless light-skinned, kindergarten teacher had me giddy like Michael Jordan's belief that Kwame Brown was the future of the Washington Wizards. I suppose going for the homerun shot in this case wasn't the brightest of moves, especially considering I had other kindergarten hotties to choose from. While the Wizards passed on NBA big men such as Tyson Chandler, Pau Gasol, and Zach Randolph, my kindergarten mind severely miscalculated, and Ms. Faust never lived up to those dreams. Granted, Kwame's five putrid seasons in Washington lasted longer than Ms. Faust's two years at WPL, but the pain of seeing her go was not nearly as frightening as Brown's signing with the Warriors in 2011. I realize now that I should have cut my losses, but I would not trade those times we shared at lunch together when I taught her how to count in Chinese for the sight of Kwame attempting to develop a post-up game.
Nine years is more than enough for anybody to feel nauseated at the sight of blue sweatshirts, white polos, and grey corduroys. West Portal Lutheran has provided San Francisco's privileged youth with parochial education for over 60 years. How does a school that started off with 59 students cement themselves as a mainstay of 19th Avenue and Sloat Boulevard? NBA-like quality-like leaders, that's how. Over the next nine days, my experiences as a young blood will be chronicled by my teachers who constantly reminded of people in the NBA.
As for myself, I'd like to characterize my elementary and middle school life to Chris Anderson's journey through the League. Despite our similarities in great hairstyles, one may not think that we have very much in common. Ridden out of New Orleans because of a positive drug test, Birdman's return to prominence as a member of the Miami Heat is like my experiences with the opposite sex for nine years. Sure, I felt like I was good looking, but I was an awkward pre-adolescent, popping random boners, and had a taste for bad jokes. Let's face it everybody, girls don't like that till you're in your 20's. Now that we've found our niche, we can be free birds. Check out the next post: Melissa Faust as Kwame Brown.
The West Coast Bias. How is it that we are neglected in the sports world? ESPN's fascination with the ever-irrelevant Tim Tebow and the next city in Dwight Howard's path of failed expectations is reminiscent of Lizzie McGuire's Ethan Kraft obsession. Win two World Series in three years? ESPN puts on a 10 minute segment on the Lakers' 0-8 preseason. Cities like Boston, New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago overshadow the diehards of Northern California. I hate to sound like a Gretchen Wieners rant on Caesar, but our fans are the most unique & live without the contingency of having to win a championship to appreciate our teams (yes, Laker Nation, that would be you). So while we play the role of Gordo, we will continue to root for our teams, with the realization that someone will and should take notice.
San Francisco Giants: WE ARE JUST BETTER LOOKING
Bearded men, according to a University of New South Wales study, are found to be more attractive than men with shaven faces. Don't believe me? Click here. You can't argue with science. Besides, how could you hate on breast cancer awareness?
Oakland Athletics: WE HAVE AMAZING DANCE MOVES
No Trevor Cahill or Gio Gonzalez? We're just going to lean all the way to the first place in the AL West. Look, I've been to an Oakland A's game, it sucks. I've seen more people at the library on a Friday night than I have O.co Coliseum, but you can't hate on people having fun in such a janky stadium. Bernie away before Brad Pitt trades your star players to pay for more adopted children.
Oakland Raiders: GUYS CAN WEAR MAKEUP
I mean, I would really want to hide behind makeup after that Tuck Rule game if I was a Raider fan too. All seriousness aside, guy liner, spikes, and skulls are pretty badass. While the team itself isn't too intimidating, nobody in the right mind, outside of a non-medicated Ron Artest, would mess with. Golden State Warriors: Jessica Alba, Jessica Alba, & Jessica Alba
What team can brag that AskMen.com's #1 most desirable woman of 2006 roots for our team? Her appearance at the 2007 Playoffs had pre-adolescents, pimply teenagers, and grown men jumping for joy. Jessica Alba's one-time appearance trumps Jack Nicholson & Spike Lee's seasonal courtside seats any day. Thanks Honey Daniels, you're the best.
San Jose Sharks: DIVINE INTERVENTION
If Joseph Gordon-Levitt can win with just angels, imagine what we could do with a little bit of direct intervention. How could you possibly go wrong with him rooting for us? Let's just make sure we signal when we're in trouble.
San Francisco 49ers: WE GOT THE HARDWARE
So we haven't won since 1994, but our five Superbowl championships are still tied for second among NFL franchises. Though we love winning, that doesn't deter the Niner Faithful from our unconditional support. The evidence? Post-Jeff Garcia quarterbacks: Tim Rattay, Ken Dorsey, Cody Pickett, Trent Dilfer, Shaun Hill, Chris Weinke, J.T. O'Sullivan, Troy Smith. Sure, we booed pre-Harbaugh Alex Smith, but who wouldn't have when Hellen Keller could've made a more accurate pass. While we are on the cusp of a sixth championship, expect our cheers to be even louder. The Bayless Babbles is authored by UC Merced & USC Alumni Justin Cheng. Email: baylessbabbles@gmail.com Follow The Bayless Babbles on Twitter (@BaylessBabbles)
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I am thrilled that you have gone this far and taken the time to read this post. Chances are that you have heard about this blog through your friends and/or Facebook, so welcome! For those of you who do not know me, my name is Justin Cheng. As a self-described sports addict and in-person viewer of 22nd perfect game in MLB history, I feel compelled to share my thoughts about the sports world. A little background about myself, I have been a strong Bay Area supporter since birth. My parents, who are immigrants from Hong Kong, have been (San Francisco) Giants and 49ers fans since moving to the United States in the 1970s. My first baseball game with my dad came on May 4, 1997 when Glenallen Hill got the game-winning hit off Jeff Brantley to beat the Reds in extra innings. Unfortunately I was not there to see it because my father desperately wanted to beat traffic, and I had to hear Lon Simmons' radio call from the muni. To me, sports are not "just a game;" it is a pedastal in which people of different backgrounds, rich or poor; tall or short; white, black, Latino or Asian can come under one forum to share a commonality. This is the world of sports as I see it from my eyes. The name of this blog, The Bayless Babbles, reflects my own willingness to say anything, whether it will be commonly accepted or downright (Skip) Bayless baffling. This blog will carry a variety of topics and will hope to bring a greater appreciation of sports and bring Babblers (yes, that is what you subscribers will be called) to share or disagree on a number of topics.
Last year the Baltimore Ravens rode a 10-6 record, bolstered by Terrell Suggs' miracle Achilles tendon and Ray Lewis' deer antler sprayed triceps to beat the San Francisco 49ers 34-31 in Super Bowl XLVII. With a new year and with heavyweights reloading on talent and teams making the moves to be considered Super Bowl favorites, there is promise for more compelling drama.
5) New England Patriots
Key Additions: Danny Amendola, Adrian Wilson, Tommy Kelly, LeGarrette Blount, Leon Washington
Despite All-Pro Rob Gronkowski's mounting injuries, the Patriots appear to be ready to make a final push in the Belichick-Brady era. In the five games that Gronk did not play last year, the ever-unpredictable Patriots averaged 34.2 points per game. How's that for a statistic? The loss of Welker certainly hurts, but Danny Amendola is a younger, if not better, version of him. The offensive line held steady last season allowing only 27 sacks, tied for fifth best.
The pressure lies solely on the secondary, who gave up 271.4 yards per game, ranked 29th best in the NFL. It is still unknown how effective replacing Patrick Chung with an aging Adrian Wilson will be. 2011 second-round pick, Ras-I Dowling, has been on the trainer's table the last two years with a torn hip tendon and torn quadriceps. That's two years, nine games and one pass defended. Production from this group certainly needs to step up especially with pass-heavy teams like Atlanta, Cincy, New Orleans, Carolina, Denver, Houston, and Miami on their schedule. Prediction: 12-4 (New England's schedule plays to their favor, having the Jets and Buffalo in their division. The defensive line, anchored by Vince Wilfork, was seventh in yards allowed before the addition of Tommy Kelly) Sorry, 12-4 because of a weak schedule only gets you #5.
What didn't the Broncos do right last year? The Broncos had one of the best seasons, outscoring opposing defenses by 192 points, which was second only to the New England Patriots. Demaryius Thomas, Eric Decker, and Wes Welker look to give opposing secondaries plenty of headaches with Peyton Manning at the helm. Acquiring Montee Ball via the draft and with incumbents McGahee and Moreno looking to return from injuries, the run game should keep defenses on their toes.
So why aren't the Broncos rated higher? My main concern is how small Peyton Manning comes up in the most crucial of situations. Sure it wasn't his fault for blown coverage with 0:42 left in the Divisional Round, but he certainly put them in a position where the score was still in reach. Keep in mind that 14 of their points resulted from two Trindon Holliday specials. A fumble in the third quarter when up 7 and the interception thrown across his body in overtime ultimately cost them a potential Superbowl bid. For everything that Peyton Manning gives you, I certainly would not want the ball in his hands and this has been a trend since Indianapolis.
Prediction: 11-5 (Manning will have a spectacular regular season but will ultimately lose in the AFC championship game to the Texans)
3) Atlanta Falcons
Key Additions: Steven Jackson, Osi Umenyiora, Desmond Trufant, Robert Alford
Think the Falcons wanted to improve their secondary? Well, the Atlanta Falcons selected two DBs with their first two picks in April's Draft. Washington's Desmond Trufant is one-third of the Trufant NFL bloodline, and Robert Alford (see below), product of FBS Southeastern Lousiana University, has a Youtube highlight reel that drops jaws.
Throughout the playoffs, Matty Ice, showed his ability to be considered an elite NFL quarterback, despite being completely shut down by the 49ers in the second half of the NFC Championship game. Receivers Julio Jones and Roddy White are the best WR tandem in the league, while Tony Gonzalez is still going strong going into his 17th year. However, the most concerning thing for this team is the ability to close out a game after blowing a 20 point lead to Seattle and 17 to the 49ers. If the Falcons are able to stay consistent throughout the entire game and in pressure-cooker situations, they can certainly make the leap that this #3 ranking places them. Also, playing in division that features the Panthers and a young Buccanneers team works to their advantage. Prediction: 11-5 (Falcons will easily win the NFC South, but how will they play come playoff time?)
By this point in my life, my life goals were shattered (See Second Grade), and I was confronted with the idea of having to learn something in school rather than fantasizing about a blonde-haired Kwame Brown (See Kindergarten). Edith Kvale had the unfortunate responsibility of bringing me back down to earth, a task which she tried to fill as the Norwegian Gregg Popvich. Our third-grade United States project provided as much excitement as the prospect of watching the San Antonio Spurs for the fourth time in 10 years. Let's face it, you can't screw up this assignment, the United States is the best country in the world (See Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest). But yes, Ms. Kvale, yes you did. While Gregg uses yawn-worthy half-court offense, Ms. Kvale assigned a yawn-worthy state, Colorado, USA. To eight year-old Justin Cheng, Colorado was nothing but Antonio McDyess and JonBenét Ramsey. I guess you can't say that Popovich has incorporated the most exciting brand of basketball, but you can't deny its effectiveness as the Spurs have won 11 division titles, four conference titles and are on the brink of a fifth championship. Similarly, Ms. Kvale's assignment branded two pieces of information that I will never forget: 1) Lark Bunting is the state bird 2) the state flag has a C. I have yet to find myself having to ever use such pertinent information, just as I will never consciously tune my television to watch a Spurs game. Popovich and Ms. Kvale sure have a knack for ruining basketball and academics. 
